No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Come on in and take your pants off
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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