Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
