So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
