Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
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