Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
