Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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