I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
