we made out on top of his cat.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
