It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
