is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
