I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
