Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
