I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We are two peas in an std pod
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Ladies don't puke and tell
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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