If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
