So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
