He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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