Welp...herpes.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
