at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
