Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize