Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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