You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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