My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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