The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
