ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
babies were throwing up all over the place
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
