Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
