"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
