p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Never joke about your clitoris.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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