Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
