Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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