For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
