Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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