You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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