That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
