Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
