Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
