just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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