im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
