Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
