So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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