His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
