Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
