I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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