you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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