i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
