got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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