barbara walters just said penis...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
