Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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