capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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