sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
