I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Where are you guys?
Drunk
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
