I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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