I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
