it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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