Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
