mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
