whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
