In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
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