i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
