She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
