I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
