I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
