I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
