One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
