Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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