I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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