Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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